I should have been there with somebody else. I should not have been there at all. Cigarette smoke always makes me nervous and homesick. I stood too close and it was too loud and everybody there was staring, like they knew. “Fuck you, fuckface!”. I wanted to go home, I didn’t feel right. Everything was heavy and everything hurt. I was too mean. But I said sorry. At least I said sorry. Nobody else said sorry.